


alone, but i have you

by ginger_ninja_2



Series: alone together forever [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: ...., Angst, Bentacle Sex, Choking, Crying, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Don't Like Don't Read, Ghost TW, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Pseudo-Incest, Sibling Incest, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles, blood mention, death tw, i guess, or - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-09 09:18:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginger_ninja_2/pseuds/ginger_ninja_2
Summary: Sometimes Dad made Ben stay in the basement for a few days. It became routine after a couple of months, and Ben always seemed fine afterwards. Klaus wished he could seem fine after his own ‘solo missions’.Sometimes Ben would hunch over in pain, and Dad wouldn’t let anyone near him to help, not even Mum. Klaus would hear him crying out in pain during the night over the screams of the dead, but Dad said he couldn’t help.Sometimes Klaus would sneak into Ben’s room anyway, and they’d talk until it was too dangerous for Klaus to be around Ben anymore. Klaus prayed to a God he didn't believe in that Ben would be okay.Sometimes Klaus would hear Luther and Allison whispering and giggling in the middle of the night. Klaus wondered what it’d be like to fall in love.He knew he didn’t have to wonder, but the pain from a lack of reciprocity hurt so much more than admitting that he was in love with his brother, and he'd never get that back.





	1. 13

**Author's Note:**

> yo
> 
> i have mush for brains and a deep love for these two
> 
> please dont crucify me for this lmao
> 
> and check the warnings before reading
> 
> thank you to everyone in the discord for keeping me sane whilst i wrote this!
> 
> enjoy!

Klaus hated to see his siblings in pain. So often, the ghosts that appeared to him would double over, coughing and wheezing, screaming in agony and despair. It was all he could see whenever Allison got hurt on a mission, or when Vanya would get a fever from the medication she was on for her nerves. It encompassed his every thought whenever Diego and Luther started fighting over something petty, when Five would jump too far and ended up falling into walls.

 

It was the worst whenever Ben was in pain. With the others it was scary, but with Ben, it felt like the world was crashing down around him. And it'd become an almost permanent fixture in their lives, Ben's pain.

 

In an effort to force Ben to control the Eldritch inside of him, Dad would force him to go for weeks without letting Them out, each time making him wait even longer till he was allowed on a mission. With each week, Ben's stomach pains grew until he'd be doubled over in pain, tears streaming down his face, trying to stay quiet with the screams in his throat.

 

And Klaus could only watch as his brother fell apart in front of him every time.

 

When it got to the point that Ben couldn't leave his bed from the pain, Dad would take him on a solo mission to finally let the Eldritch out, and he'd return a day later, with a smile on his face and the pain forgotten.

 

But Klaus could never forget the look on Ben's face when the tentacles tried to escape, ripping up his insides just to taste blood.

 

* * *

 

A cold autumn breeze carded through the trees in the courtyard, a soft rattle from the dry leaves permeating the air around the five children in uniform. Klaus sat on the bench watching as Luther and Diego sparred, listening to Allison read out loud to practice her enunciation as Five teleported to each corner of the courtyard. The old man with half a face didn't seem likely to bother him, which he was grateful for.

 

Vanya was probably watching them from her bedroom window instead of doing her maths studies, because she wasn't allowed to practice with them. Klaus didn't feel sorry for her, he'd happily swap with her if it meant not having to stare at a decomposing head.

 

Dad had told him to talk to the ghosts when they appear, to ask them what they want, but often they'd just scream at him until he could find the time to roll a joint. Obviously the better way to deal with it would be to control his powers but that just wasn't possible.

 

The doors opened and Ben ran out to the courtyard, a smile on his face and a book in his hands. His smile widened when he noticed Klaus sitting on the bench, joining him. “What have I missed?”

 

Klaus shrugged, tearing his eyes away from the tree he'd been staring at to avoid the ghosts. “Not much, Dad yelled at Five again last night because he wouldn't shut up about time travel, Diego and Luther had another argument that ended up with Mum having to get repairs, and Vanya tried to get included again, but Allison told her not to bother.”

 

Ben rolled his eyes, opening the book on his lap. “It's like I wasn't even gone.” Klaus laughed a little too loudly, attracting the glares of their other siblings but he didn't care. It was the complete opposite.

 

Every month, Ben would spend one or two days in the basement when the Eldritch's bloodthirst became too much. Dad told everyone that he was on solo missions, but Ben told Klaus everything.

 

Although, Ben didn't seem to be too bothered by the whole ordeal, always managing to still be okay and his normal self whenever he came back. Klaus envied him.

 

His own 'solo missions’ never ended with him being okay. Klaus was always an emotional mess whenever he came back, and Ben was the only one that cared. Maybe it was natural that they'd confide in each other when the others just brush them off.

 

“When are you going on your mission, Klaus?” Ben asked, because he could always tell what Klaus was thinking, because he's Ben.

 

“Next week… I don't know what he expects from me, he knows it'll be the same as it is every other time he's locked me up in that hellhole,” he muttered, leaning on Ben's shoulder to read the page the other was on. “This book is boring.”

 

Ben nodded sympathetically, turning the page and continuing to read. “It'll only be for a night, and then when you come back, we can ask Mum to make us some hot chocolate and we'll talk it out in my room,” his lips turned up into a smile as Klaus sighed, closing his eyes and letting the sun turn the darkness pink. “But you have to promise me one thing, Klaus,”

 

Shrugging, Klaus sat back straight, trying to avoid eye contact with the three new ghosts that appeared in the courtyard.

 

“Don't let them get to you, the ghosts. They're angry, and scary, but I don't think they want to hurt you.” The page turned again as the wind picked up, Allison running inside to get her coat. Klaus laughed again, a little more cynically. “I'm serious Klaus.”

 

The old man turned to face him, eye manic, lips curled. He hissed his name slowly, walking towards the bench, before he disappeared. “... I guess I'll try…”

 

 

* * *

 

He really was naive if he thought he'd seen the worst of Ben's pain.

 

4 weeks after Klaus's most recent visit to the mausoleum, they had salmon en croute for dinner. As usual, the seven of them stood by their chairs as their father walked into the room, waiting for him to sit before sitting themselves and beginning to eat.

 

Most dinners went this way, they'd eat, Ben would read, Luther and Allison would stare at each other across the table like a pair of star-crossed lovers, and Klaus would roll up a joint. And Dad wouldn't care in the slightest.

 

Sometimes Ben would take the joint away from him if he knew Klaus didn't need it, but when Klaus looked up to see what Ben was thinking, he froze.

 

Ben's face was the palest he'd ever seen, his eyes red and swollen. He was biting his lip so hard it looked like he was going to split it. Klaus frowned, trying to figure out what was wrong.

 

It had been over a month since Ben last went on a mission, or hunting, Klaus realised, eyes widening as he thought of the kind of pain he must be going through. He'd once explained the feeling of the portal opening like being sliced open with a surgical knife, the Eldritch prodding at his insides like, well, like tentacles trying to tear their way out of his skin. But Ben was holding Them back.

 

Klaus went to gently place his hand on Ben's knee, to give him something else to focus on instead of the pain, and so he knew someone cared, but before he could, Ben screamed, the Eldritch bursting out from his middle, wrapping a tentacle around Klaus's wrist hovering in the air.

 

It didn't hurt, per se, but he could feel a strange prickling sensation as the suckers latched onto his skin. 

 

The table erupted into chaos, Vanya running to hide behind the sofa, Five teleporting out of the room as the other three moved behind Dad. 

 

“Number Six! Force it back inside now!” Dad shouted, loud over Ben's crying. “Control it, boy.”

 

The prickling sensation soon stopped around his wrist, replaced with a strange numb sensation as his mind grew increasingly fuzzy, similar to how he felt when he'd get high, only this didn't feel good at all.

 

The last thing Klaus could remember was falling to the floor slowly, trying to tell Ben it was okay.

 

* * *

 

He woke up in the infirmary, tubes inserted in his arms, a pounding headache making his eyes hurt as he tried to figure out what had happened.

 

“Oh you're awake, Number Four,” he tried to sit up to see where Dad was, only to feel his shoulders being pushed down gently. “I wouldn't move too much, you've suffered massive blood loss. You must heal soon,”

 

Mum smiled at him from the side of his head, pressing a glass of water against his lips for him to drink. “What… What about Ben? Is he okay? Can I see him?” 

 

“You mustn't worry about Number Six, he has been dealt with,” Dad stepped into Klaus's view, an eyebrow raised as he explained. “It is more important you get better, the Academy needs every single one of its students in peak condition.”

 

“What do you mean? Is he okay? Please, I have to know, I want to say sorry!” Klaus watched as Dad left, ignoring his pleas. “Mum, please can you tell him?”

 

She smiled warmly, running her fingers gently through his tangled hair. “Ben is perfectly okay, Klaus. I'm sure he'll be really happy to hear that you're awake, but you have nothing to be sorry for, you know Ben wouldn't appreciate hearing that from you,” her chiding made Klaus frown, facing away from her. Of course he had something to be sorry for. If he hadn't tried to help, Ben wouldn't feel the guilt he undoubtedly felt over the accident. But it wasn't Ben's fault! He had to know. “I'll tell him to come and see you, how about that? It's been a few days, I'm sure he'd love to see you.”

 

Klaus nodded slowly, listening to her footsteps receding down the corridor. He still felt kind of high, and if it'd been a few days, that must've meant he'd been given some kind of medication. He wondered if the ghosts would bother him yet.

 

How could Ben be okay? Not that Klaus didn't want him to be, of course he was happy about that, but… That just didn't seem to be right. Ben always beat himself up about all the people they’ve hurt on their missions, about how he wished he didn't have to do most of the killing. Maybe he was growing up, or more likely Mum was lying to make him feel better.

 

A different pattern of footsteps came down the hall to the infirmary, and the door opened as Ben almost ran in. “Klaus! You’re okay! Dad said I wasn’t allowed to see you yesterday cause you were asleep, but I was so worried!” He pulled a chair over to the bed, panting softly. “I’m so sorry, They kept trying to get out and I didn’t want Them to but They promised not to kill you and-”

 

“Ben, it’s okay,” Klaus interrupted, tapping his hand on the bed in lieu of reaching for him, his arms were just so heavy. “I’m fine, no one got killed, and it was not your fault, so stop apologising. How long have I been out?”

 

Ben explained how, when he fainted, Pogo tranquilised him so the Eldritch would go away, and then he was taken back down to the basement and given some time to sort out what happened. “And They said They were just hungry, and normally They would just kill but, but They could tell I didn’t want any of you dead, and you were the closest person so They just took some of your blood, but didn't know when to stop, which honestly sucks, any more and I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened to you. I stayed in the basement for about two days I think, I came back up yesterday.” 

 

Klaus listened intently, glad that the Eldritch didn't kill him, but more concerned about something else. “But you were in so much pain, Ben, I'm sorry, it was basically my fault They came out, I can't imagine the pain…” 

 

Placing his hand over Klaus's, Ben groaned, putting his head on the bed. “Klaus, it's fine. Dad said that the pain is the gateway to achieving true control. I just hope he's right.”

 

“Are you kidding? He can't give you painkillers or anything? Can't let you decide when the pain is too much? If you can talk to Them, maybe that's how you control Them, by compromise and not starvation!” He held onto Ben's hand tight, feeling himself getting more and more angry with each new solution he could think of. “Ben, I hate… I hate how much it hurts you, it scares me, Ben,”

 

They stayed in silence for a few minutes, Klaus's words hanging thick in the air. Sometimes, when he was high and Ben had recently been on a mission, they'd both lay on one of their beds, in complete silence, letting each others’ warmth and closeness say all that needed to be said, and it would be enough. Sometimes, they'd fall asleep like that, and Mum would leave them both a cookie on the nightstand for if they got hungry during the night.

 

They stayed in the infirmary for the rest of the day, Ben only leaving when he was called to dinner.

 

The ghosts came back.


	2. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning tags! : blood mention (i think), choking, and klaus thinking about incest and being disgusted? but i mean, its fiction so whatevs

They're sixteen when it happens again.

 

Ben has got great control over the Eldritch, can go for months without collapsing in debilitating pain. He says that between forcing Them to go longer and longer without tasting blood, and talking to Them about why They can't just kill everyone he sees, his control has become the best it's ever been.

 

Which Klaus loves! He loves that Ben is doing great, loves that he feels he can confidently lie to his face.

 

Because at night, when Ben thinks everyone else is asleep, he cries. Sometimes it sounds like cries of pain, more sharp and insistent. Sometimes it sounds like cries of despair, quiet but heart-wrenching. A lot of the time, it's just silence with the occasional sniffle, but Klaus can still hear that because he doesn't sleep.

 

And Klaus loves knowing that Ben doesn't trust him with his feelings anymore, that sweet, kind Ben can't talk to anyone about how badly everything hurts, all because Dad said so.

 

Klaus also lies a lot, but it's not like anyone cares.

 

Dad seems to think that Ben's weakness is how he feels, how he shows emotion. Klaus always thought that was his strength.

 

But dear Daddy knows best!

 

But because of that, Ben and Klaus don't spend the night in each other's beds anymore, not since Dad decided he didn't like it.

 

They tried to, of course. When they were fourteen, Klaus had waited til he was sure everyone else was asleep, and snuck into Ben's room, and they talked about the pain, and why Ben couldn't do anything about it until Ben told Klaus to get out before the Eldritch tried to take his blood again.

 

But one too many times Klaus got reprimanded for not caring about his safety enough, and so they were barred from each other's rooms from sundown to sunrise.

 

Klaus really does hate his father.

 

He'd probably hate him less if he enacted the same punishment on Allison and Luther, because they all knew they were doing more than talking in their rooms, the giggles and shushing really giving away their secrets.

 

But why would Dad punish golden boy Luther? No, they only ever got into trouble if they tried to sneak out to have dates.

 

So it was moments like now, when they're all having a maths lesson in the study room, that really grate on Klaus's nerves.

 

The five of them are sat at random desks, spread out through the room, Diego at the front right, himself by the door, Ben next to him, and Allison and Luther directly behind them, swapping notes and stifling laughs.

 

And Klaus just wishes he could manifest the ghosts that still haunt him at night just to shut them up.

 

It's not that he wants to learn, no he doesn't care about that, and he knows Diego doesn't either, but Ben is smart, and Ben is listening but it's hard to listen when people are blatantly flirting in the back of the classroom.

 

But like always, they won't get told off for it. They think they're being so subtle, but that wouldn't make a difference even if they were, because Dad let's them do it, so Pogo and Mum do too.

 

And isn't that just peachy? Like true star-crossed lovers, flirting covertly in the daylight, getting each other off in the dark when everyone else is asleep. Klaus would say it's disgusting if he wasn't quite as self-aware as he is.

 

And isn't that even more disgusting. It's bad enough to be into your adopted sibling (thank God they're not blood related or else this whole situation would be so much more fucked up) when you're straight.

 

Well, Klaus was usually the most fucked up of them all anyway, why stop at seeing ghosts when you can fall in love with your brother?

 

This isn't the first time he's thought about how messed up everything is. He's known about his feelings for Ben since forever really, knows that's why Ben's pain hurts him the most in return, hates it just as much as he hates the ghosts, hates it just as much as he hates himself, but it's Ben so maybe he doesn't hate it all that much in the first place.

 

It just hurts.

 

Ben shoves his arm gently with a tsk, pointing at Pogo's writing on the blackboard then at Klaus's paper, covered in doodles and not equations. He just shrugs, leaning back in his chair and subtly pointing behind them, making mock kissy faces.

 

He feels Pogo's glare before he even registers that he made Ben laugh, but it's worth the reprimanding he's sure to get later just to hear him laughing instead of crying.

 

Ben slides him a note slowly once Pogo resumes the lesson, winking at him emphatically.

 

Klaus frowns, slowly opening the note to read it.

 

'Meet me on the roof after individual study, bring cookies ;)’

 

He stifles a laugh, putting the note in his blazer pocket and tearing off a piece of paper to write back an affirmative.

 

* * *

Klaus climbs up the stairs slowly, trying not to make them creak whilst juggling a plate of cookies and two hot chocolates on a tray.

 

The roof is rarely used for anything, except Luther and Allison's little trysts every now and then, and sometimes Dad comes up here to do fuck all with the greenhouse, but he's pretty sure they'll be alone up here for as long as they want.

 

And doesn't that make him feel all different shades of wrong and hot. They haven't spent much time together for quite a while, what with Klaus's drug addiction getting worse and Ben pulling away from social interactions more and more, but he's really missed their friendship, even more so because he can't seem to separate his platonic love for Ben from his less than stellar internal monologue about how much he wants him in a really not brotherly way.

 

The door creaks open as he pushes it with his foot, and he smiles at Ben when he turns to see what the noise was.

 

“Hey, you brought more than cookies,” Ben says as he rushes over, taking the tray from him and looking at the hot chocolates. “You smell of weed, by the way.”

 

Klaus shrugs nonchalantly, slowly closing the door behind him as he follows Ben to the edge of the roof where he was sat before. “Sorry, they were pretty brutal today, gotta keep 'em at bay ya know?” He laughs dryly, stopping abruptly when Ben glares at him. “I haven't found anything else that stops them, otherwise I wouldn't have gone for drugs… Yet,”

 

Sitting down, the other places the tray down next to him as Klaus sits on the other side, crossing his legs. “We used to talk, that helped,” Ben passes him a cup and a cookie, almost like a peace offering, an olive branch. It makes Klaus simultaneously sad and embarrassed. “And I know that's my fault too, don't feel bad, but… Well, everything sucks.”

 

“Understatement of the century, my dear brother,” he sighs, taking a sip of the warm drink, looking out over the skyline as the sun shone on the windows. “I hear you at night, Ben, hear you crying, and it tears me apart, because I know I can't help, and Dad doesn't let me, and you lie about it,”

 

Ben nods slowly, swallowing the bite of cookie he took with what seemed to be a lot of effort. “Jumped right into the deep end there, huh?” He turns to face Klaus full on, one leg against his chest, the other dangling over the edge of the roof. “I also hear you at night Klaus, especially when you come home from the mausoleum. You think it doesn't hurt me too? That you stopped telling me about it and started taking drugs more instead? Closer to Mary Jane than me.”

 

His next sip of chocolate went down too quick as he laughed, causing him to choke on the liquid as Ben hits his back to try and help. “Didn't know you could be funny, Benny, love that.”

 

“I'm not, Klaus, I'm trying to be serious. And don't call me Benny,” Ben leaves his hand on Klaus's back, a warm and welcome weight. “I just… Want things to go back to normal, or at least, normal for us? That's as good as we'll ever get.”

 

Klaus leans against his hand briefly, before Ben removes it. “Are we not broken beyond the point of repair, brother? I'm not sure normal is plausible for us, even our brand of normal. Maybe it's the drugs talking? But normal would suck! I mean, I'd love not seeing ghosts all the time, and I'm sure you'd love to not be in pain all the time, and- hey you know, if we were normal, we could totally just leave!”

 

“That's… A lot,” a whistle, a sip of his drink, a… is that a wistful look into the distance? They sit in silence for a while, watching a flock of birds fly overhead, away from them. “Hey Klaus? Do you wanna leave? Runaway I mean. Just, walk out of the door and never come back? I… I'm not saying we should it's just nice to think of?”

 

Klaus giggles then. “I suppose, but Ben, knowing we could but won't hurts even more, because we could have semi-normal lives, but what's the point? I'd still see the ghosts, you would still have to hunt people for the Eldritch, we'd never be able to escape here, even if we leave. Might as well stay here to piss off old Reggie instead,” he finishes his drink as though it's his final thought on the matter. “Besides, we wouldn't have the pleasure of dealing with Luther and Allison being all loved up if we left, and that's the best entertainment one can get.”

 

Ben mimes being sick, a small smile on his face still, despite the somewhat gloomy conversation. “You know, I haven't had to hunt for two months now. Today is the sixtieth day without the Eldritch escaping.”

 

“Wow, aren't They pretty angry about that?”

 

“They are. But I can control Them so much better now, I can even let Them out and They won't immediately try to kill everyone in sight.”

 

Nodding slowly as he stands up, Klaus grins as an idea springs to the forefront of his weed-addled mind. “Prove it.”

 

The look that spreads on Ben's face in response dampens Klaus's good mood enough for him to frown. “Seriously? After what happened the last time you and the Eldritch were in the same room?”

 

“Yes, Ben. Prove. It.” As Ben stands as well, Klaus walks back so they're safer. “If you can control Them so well, then you can stop Them before They kill me, right?”

 

“And what about if I can't? What if I'm wrong and They, I mean, we kill you? Do you think I could live with that guilt? What the fuck is your problem, Klaus?”

 

Klaus shoves his hands into the pockets of his blazer, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Then I die. But I know you won't let that happen, because I trust you, brother. Prove it. If you don't, I'll make it known that you talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk.”

 

Ben rakes his hands through his hair. “Do you ever shut up? If I do it, will you stop talking for a few minutes?”

 

“Maybe, you'll have to find out. Did you know that I still have the scars from that time when we were thirteen? I quite like them if I'm being honest, they look kinda co-”

 

Klaus struggles to finish his sentence as a tentacle wraps tightly around his throat, cutting off his vocal chords but not quite hard enough to choke him.

 

“That seemed to work,” Ben grins, albeit sort of in a pained way, and shit Klaus just hurt him again didn't he? “Don't look so worried, doesn't hurt that much.”

 

The tentacle slithers tighter, beginning to restrict his air flow minutely, but not taking his blood. Huh. Guess Ben could control Them pretty well. His knees start to feel weak, his pants getting tighter around his crotch.

 

He watches Ben's eyes slide down from where the Eldritch is slowly constricting Klaus's neck before snapping back up, a strained look on his face. Interesting.

 

“On a serious note, it's been two months, can you spare some blood?” And honestly, when would Klaus ever say no to Ben?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo! chap 2 bitches!
> 
> i like this one
> 
> also so sorry for the sudden change in tone, and tense, and style. i cant be consistent.
> 
> thanks guys, chap 3 out soon!


	3. 18 Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just Klaus being Klaus in this chapter.

Looking back, Klaus realises just how fucked up getting choked by his brother is.

Huh, who would have known how weird that sentence sounds.

It's even worse actually, because it didn't change their friendship at all. If anything, they got even closer because of it. And it's nice, he thinks, how everything stays consistent. They're fucked up, their family is fucked up, and thank fuck, their relationship is fucked up too.

It doesn't stop Ben from getting angry at Klaus though, unfortunately, as right now, that'd be very useful.

“Klaus, I swear to God, if you keep asking, I'll throw you over the balcony.”

And isn't that sweet. “Aww really? You'd do that to me? What else would you do?”

“Shut up.”

He'd only been innocently asking if Ben had any money, or a moment of his time at least, to help him take his mind off of some unfortunate withdrawal symptoms due to an unforeseen spring clean Mum did. He really should find somewhere less obvious to hide his stash, next time he has one at least.

“Make me.”

Ben frowns at him over his shoulder as he takes a book from the bookcase, clearly exasperated. “We’re not Allison and Luther so you can stop being inappropriate, Klaus.”

Somewhere in the lounge, he hears Luther walk into the sofa before swearing. “Think he heard you?”

The answering snicker relieves Klaus, because as much as he knows Ben loves him, he doesn't mean to be as much of a nuisance as he ends up being. “He's too dense to get what I mean, but maybe he can tell someone's talking about him.”

Klaus smiles at Ben brightly, following him back down the stairs like a dog following its owner.

He doesn't remember when he stopped being Klaus and became Klaus and Ben, but he wouldn't change it for the world. It's nice, knowing that he has someone who knows almost everything about him and vice versa, an extension of himself. Or maybe he's an extension of Ben. He doesn't mind, he's just happy Ben tolerates him.

It's a weird thing topic to think about, his feelings for Ben.

Ben's powers are stronger and more controlled than ever before once again, and if Klaus is being honest, which is often, that's hot. He totally became badass in the last few years, because as much as he hates his power, he's grown to accept that it's just something he'd have to live with, and that confidence to be himself but also have control? It was both inspiring and a turn on.

Could Klaus stop thinking of Ben sexually? Maybe. Did he want to stop? Absolutely. Has he stopped? Nope.

“Hey, you're spacing out again, Klaus.” Vanya smiles awkwardly from the bottom of the stairs directly in front of him.

“Oh sorry, did I walk into you?” He sighs, moving to the other side of the stairs.

Her head tilts to the side a little as she shakes it. “No, I asked if you were okay. You seem disturbed.”

The laugh he releases shocks him about as much as it does poor Vanya, loud and sharp and totally not sane. “I'm very disturbed right now, but no more than usual.”

Vanya seems to be at a loss of what to do before she smiles awkwardly again, running past him to go to her bedroom.

The look on Ben's face almost clears the fuzziness of the headache pressing on his brain, almost soothes the cravings for some ecstasy before dinner. If Klaus were a poet, he'd say that Ben's smile was like the first sunrise after a cold winter, warming the world and bringing everything and everyone back to life. Ben's eyes, like pools of pure obsidian that he could just drown in. And if he was being truly dramatic, he'd say that he knew Ben would be the death of him, because he'd do anything for him.

Sweet. Sickly so.

As if waxing poetic about his brother would ever mean his feelings could ever be reciprocated.

“You're really bad at being normal, Klaus, you know that?” Ben teases, eyes flicking down to his neck, where he was massaging to ease his headache, then back up so quickly he almost missed it.

It's strange, Klaus thinks after a few moments, how the circular suction prints never quite left his skin, not on his wrist or his neck, even though both incidents happened years ago. Usually he wears long sleeves and a scarf when they're not on a mission, so no one will notice, but of course they all did, they live together after all. Klaus doesn't mind them knowing that he let Ben and the Eldritch take his blood again, in fact he's quite proud of it, but he knows it bothers Ben to see the marks on his skin.

“That's what you love about me,” he responds, skipping ahead of the other towards Ben's room. “So what are we going to do now?”

The door opens as Ben walks back in front of him again, setting the book down on his desk before motioning for Klaus to shut the door behind him. “I'm going to read, you can do whatever you want.”

So he does. Ben's bed is much more comfortable than his own, despite them being the exact same, so he flops half-heartedly onto it, groaning into the pillow. “But that's so boring, can't we do something together?” His words come out muffled and quiet, but he doesn't care.

“No, we'll do something together after dinner,” Ben compromises, eliciting a deflated huff in response. “Be grateful, at least I'm not kicking you out.”

Klaus rolls over to stare at the ceiling, not dignifying Ben's dig with an answer.

There's just so many things to think about, and he can't think about them when he's high, which is an added bonus to the lack of ghosts, because it always makes his brain hurt.

But maybe, whilst Ben is reading and he has some alone time without the ghosts whilst sober, he should take the opportunity to sort out some things.

First of all, the ghosts. He stopped his visits to the mausoleum about six months ago, when Dad finally gave up trying to force him to control his powers. He still gets nightmares about those countless nights he spent locked up in there, cold, starving and never alone, the blood-curdling screams of the dead begging for attention replaying in his mind like a record scratching out its dying notes whenever he closes his eyes. If it wasn’t for the drugs, well, he doesn’t want to think about that. He wouldn’t sleep, that’s for sure. When he’s high, he usually gets knocked out pretty well, even if he gets nightmares. But when he’s sober, they don’t let him close his eyes, demanding to be released or brought back or some other random shit they didn't do themselves when they were alive. And it wouldn’t be nearly half as bad if they looked like they were alive, but some of them are so mangled, it’s like a personal horror film for Klaus alone.

It’s a good day when the ghosts are of people that haven’t been mauled to death by mountain lions or bears. Or when they don’t have huge gaping holes in their heads or chests. Even then, most of them are still in pain, wailing and screaming until Klaus just wants to fill his ears with cotton wool.

It’s better with Ben in the room; even if they still scream and cry, he can try to just focus on him and try to block the dead out. He’s not too bad at it now, he supposes, but he still prefers the silence the drugs give him. It hurts Ben, he knows, but that’s the only downfall he can think of.

Ben, who really doesn’t need any extra pain on top of his own. Maybe Luther was right when he called Klaus selfish the other day. It is quite selfish, isn’t it, to put his own need for silence above the needs of the one person he’s ever loved.

Because he does. He loves Ben, would never ask for anything to change, would never wish for their lives to have been easier because he knows that the pain and trauma are what they bonded over originally. And to hell with it being wrong, if Luther and Allison are allowed to have their relationship, why isn’t he allowed his feelings?

Because Ben is truly perfect in his eyes. He’s kind, sweet, despite the life they’ve led (unlike Klaus, he’s an asshole), and amazingly caring for a boy called The Horror. He’s so quick to understand, so eager to help however he can, even if he says he’d rather not. It breaks Klaus’s heart, sometimes, because how can he still be so pure? So much has happened to all of them, he really wouldn't blame Ben if he had some kind of personality switch, if he became mean, because, well he’d be one to talk if it bothered him. But Ben is an angel, a beacon of light in the darkness that has surrounded Klaus ever since he was born, guiding him towards some sort of salvation.

Of course he'd fall in love with him, Klaus isn't an idiot (contrary to what his siblings say about him). He knows a good person when he finds one, is smart enough to not take it for granted.

No, he tries to make the most of his time with Ben, because with the lives they lead it could quickly spiral into disaster without a moment's notice.

Like him, all the time. A disaster is an appropriate way to describe everything Klaus feels because it is a mess inside his brain, and not just cause he's a junkie. There's the pain and the trauma, and that kind of takes the forefront more often than not. There's his quite innocent love and admiration of Ben, which also takes up a whole lot of his thinking space.

Klaus watches Ben turn the page of the book, clearly engrossed in whatever it is he's reading. And wow, he wants those hands all over him.

And that's the other thing that takes up his last brain cell, some very unsavoury thoughts about Ben before, starting from when they were fifteen and they’ve only gotten worse since. At first it was small things, the intensity in Ben’s eyes whenever he talks about something he’s fascinated by making Klaus feel overheated and a little uncomfortable (in a good way), a few purely aesthetic appreciations of the way he styles his hair, not much more.

Then they were sixteen, and Klaus couldn’t stop thinking about the way Ben’s fingers were slightly thicker than his own, couldn’t take his eyes off of him when they were training, watching his muscles ripple beneath his skin (of course, he didn’t get the same satisfaction watching Luther or Diego in the same way, just the thought makes him want to puke). For such a sweet boy, he had an awful lot of strength, but oh, when they’d spar (not that Klaus did it often), Ben would always manage to overpower him, whether he wanted him to or not.

He’s only ever been more turned on than then once, when he was dizzy and floating from blood loss after getting choked by the damn Eldritch. Ben only made it worse by talking to him the whole time, like he wasn’t even bothered that he was strangling his brother, like he didn’t know what it was doing to Klaus to know that Ben could be so composed in a situation like that when his knees were like jelly. Klaus has never been harder.

Which sucks, by the way, because now he can’t wank without hearing Ben’s voice in his head, telling him that he can feel the joy the Eldritch feels from taking his blood, can even taste it, can feel his throat strain against the pressure, his pressure.

Although, afterwards Ben was just as sweet as usual, helping Klaus stand and giving him a cookie to get his sugar levels back up. Aftercare, Klaus realised after, which only made him fall in love even more.

But it wasn’t a sexual thing for Ben like it was for Klaus, just a convenient snack. The thought makes him laugh out loud, earning him a frown thrown over Ben’s shoulder. He shrugs at him in response, rolling over onto his stomach and kicking his feet in the air as Ben goes back to reading.

Klaus wonders if Ben knows. He’s not exactly subtle, especially when he’s high. Do the others know? Do they think they’re like Allison and Luther? Does Diego complain about him to Vanya like he complains about Luther to him? Maybe the more important question is does he care? Of course he’s open with his affection for Ben when he’s high, can get a little too handsy sometimes, but usually he’s able to not touch him too much when they’re all together. He definitely sits way too close, and he notices that about the other two as well.

His actions or feelings have never been reciprocated, apart from that one choking incident, which hurts an awful lot. It’s right up there with the pain of knowing none of his siblings take him seriously, the pain of knowing he’ll never make Dad proud, knowing how he’s never tried to change those things. But he also would never take it back. The pain is so much better than having nothing, he’d be empty without it.

The dinner bell rings just as Klaus’s thoughts begin to spiral into self-hatred, groaning as he rolls off of the bed onto the floor.

“You’re so dramatic,” Ben says as he rolls his eyes, bookmarking his page before standing over Klaus and offering his hand. “It’s not like we have to go far.”

Taking it and pulling himself up with Ben’s help, Klaus dies a little inside. And with the weight and heat of the other’s hand fitting snugly into his own, he wonders if it’s all too late.

 

* * *

 

“Klaus, what’s wrong?”

They’re back in Ben’s room after dinner, listening to the sound of the rain outside. It’s just them, apart from Vanya, Mum and Pogo, in the house now, the other three and Dad on a mission. Vanya is playing the violin somewhere in the house, probably the lounge room, and Mum and Pogo are most likely busying themselves with menial tasks around the house.

Klaus’s mind is still spiralling dangerously close to self-destruct mode, which, of course, Ben would be able to tell. He barely ate any of his dinner, pushing it around the plate because he felt sick to his stomach with anguish.

“Absolutely nothing, other than the fact that I’m still nearing sobriety,” he lies, because he’s always lied, because he can’t tell Ben that he’s the reason he’s ready to throw himself into a volcano at a second's notice. “Why?”

He gets a long-suffering glare in return, because as much as he lies, Ben can always tell when he does. “Bullshit, there’s something going on in your head. It’s hurting you. What is it?”

He laughs. He can't stop, because he starts crying. At first, it's just a few tears, until he can't stop crying, his breath escaping his lungs as short little sobs, placing his hands over his eyes and rubbing to dry them. Ben's quick to pull him into a sideways hug, one hand around his waist, the other in his hair, gently shushing him.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, talk to me, Klaus,” he whispers, stroking his curls slowly. Slowly, Klaus gets his breathing back under control. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to get rejected by Ben. Maybe he wouldn't be disgusted.

But it's Klaus, so, who knows.

Gently taking Ben's hands off of him, he holds onto them tightly like a lifeline, staring down at their hands clasped together. He can feel the panic rising again like bile in his throat, trying to tamp it down.

Slowly, he evens out his breathing, Ben allowing him some silence to gather his thoughts. He’s so thoughtful, so gentle. The thought only makes Klaus want to run away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This... Was originally the last chapter along with chap 4 as well, but it started getting so long I had to cut it lmao. Hope that's okay with y'all. 
> 
> See you guys with the last chapter soon!!!


	4. 18 Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for smut and angst

About an hour later, they’re both lying on the bed, Ben talking about the premise of the book he was reading before dinner. It’s too much for Klaus’s mind to truly take in, something about existentialism and birds and abandoned garden wells and phone sex operators? Those were the parts he understood at least. Not that he wasn’t listening, but it was hard to focus on the words he was saying when they were still holding hands.

 

Klaus managed to calm down about 10 minutes after the hug, and he’s feeling a lot better for it now, somewhat happy even. The kind of blissed out headspace he gets into after crying.

 

That’d be great, he’d love that. If he didn’t have to hide the fact that he’s also painfully aroused. Klaus wonders if he can get mental whiplash from the way his emotions are racing around each other and swapping out so often.

 

Ben’s hand in his own, grounding, his side pressed up against Klaus’s front from the way they have to squeeze together so they don’t fall off of the bed, how his voice sounds slightly rougher the longer he talks and the more tired he gets. It’s a recipe for disaster. And by disaster he means an awkward boner.

 

“- and basically, he sits in the well, like he climbs down into the well and just stays there, which I mean, I’m not one to judge but it doesn’t sound that fun,” Ben’s breath fans out over Klaus’s neck as he speaks, warm, sending a shudder down his spine that has nothing to do with the withdrawal symptoms. “Oh, but the cat is still missing, his wife is still missing, and he visits this hotel in his dreams? But it’s like real?”

 

Klaus nods because he can’t think of anything else he can do, too worried that he’ll give away his current predicament if he speaks or moves.

 

“And he finds out some really damning stuff about his wife's brother, and then he helps someone out with their job, and that's to count the number of bald people that pass by them on the street,” the other continues, his fingers spreading Klaus's apart to intertwine them, thumb rubbing slow circles into the back of his hand. Klaus loses his ability to breathe. “But it's just for like, wig research.”

 

It means nothing, he decides, because they've always been a bit too touchy with each other; a hand on his back as they stand in front of the press, a kiss to the forehead when he's upset, a chiding poke when he's being an asshole. The warmth and need to keep doing it probably stemming from a lack of parental comfort as children.

 

But every time they touch, it's like Ben just turns his world upside down and shakes it about a little just to make sure that Klaus knows he's been there. It's nothing like when he hugs Allison, or leans against Diego, he's not addicted to them like he is to Ben. Like another one of the drugs he spends way too much time high on.

 

“Are you hard?”

 

And, it’s kind of funny, the way Ben says it so nonchalantly, like its a normal thing for them, like this happens so often that he’s just not surprised anymore. Maybe Klaus should give him more credit for his observational skills.

 

Still, it doesn’t stop him from feeling like his world is collapsing again, he’s once again thankful that the ghosts still aren’t back yet, like a miracle.

 

He risks a look at Ben’s face, so he can know how absolutely mortified he is that he is aware of it, but comes face to face with an expression he can’t really describe.

 

Ben looks not at all disturbed, if anything he looks kind of flushed, but his eyes are not wide, his mouth not open in a small gesture of shock. He looks… almost bored.

 

“Is… Is that a problem?” Klaus asks, suddenly gaining a world of confidence when Ben’s pupils dilate so much his eyes look even darker than normal. 

 

“It's only a problem if you want it to be,” comes the response, silky smooth and like a battering ram to Klaus's perseverance. Ben's fingers tighten slightly around his hand in between his own digits, eyes dancing back to the scars on his neck, but lingering for once. “Do you want it to be?”

 

Klaus doesn't know how he manages to not just smash their lips together right then and there; instead he slowly grabs Ben's other hand and places it on his neck. “No… You're not grossed out?”

 

Ben gently presses the pads of his fingertips against one of the circular scars, inhaling sharply as Klaus makes a… moan. He moans  _ loud _ , and both of their eyes shoot to the door. “Did you lock the door?” The other says, sitting up.

 

He shakes his head, mourning the loss of touch, also sitting up as Ben walks over to the door, checking the hallway before locking the door. Klaus laughs a little, nervous. This certainly is not his first time, he's not a virgin in the slightest, but like everything else, with Ben it actually means something.

 

“Anyway, why would I be grossed out? I watched you get hard the last time we choked you, I let you get all handsy when you're high. Are you really that dense, Klaus?” He begins to slowly walk back over to the bed, like a predator approaching it's prey. Prowling.

 

He feels his cock twitch in interest, another moan building in his throat at the disinterested tone, the hungry look in his eyes, the tent in his own trousers obvious. “I… Yeah I am,” he laughs, blushing brightly with joy when Ben laughs a little too, easing the air a little but not so much that the tension goes away.

 

They sort of stall, neither of them really sure where to go from here. It doesn't get awkward, they're too happy for that. “I could suck you off?” Klaus says, because he's done it before so he knows how to do it, and consent is sexy so he wanted to ask.

 

Ben lets out a breath he'd clearly been holding in, hands hanging awkwardly at his sides. “Yeah, yeah I'd like that, if it's what you want too.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Klaus climbs off of the bed and gestures for Ben to sit where he was. “I wouldn't ask if it wasn't what I wanted.” Once the other is sat comfortably on the edge of the bed, Klaus sinks onto his knees, keeping his eyes trained on Ben's, his hands on his thighs.

 

Slowly but surely, Klaus slides his hands up over Ben's crotch, rubbing his member lightly through the fabric. The responding hiss he gets is more than enough of a reward, a shit-eating grin spreading over his face. “You like that, brother?”

 

Ben groans but it's not from whatever Klaus is doing. “Don't call me brother in this situation, Klaus, it's a level of weird I'm not willing to accept yet.” It only makes him want to say it more, but it's their first time so he's not going to push it.

 

Well maybe a little. “Oh no brother, if you want me to stop, you have to shut. Me. Up.” He teases, expecting a sigh, or a frown, but the growl he receives surprises both of them, especially since the Eldritch decides now is a good time to say hello. 

 

“Shit sorry, one sec,” Ben clammers, trying to move back closer to the wall. “I didn't mean for Them to come out…”

 

But Klaus is nothing if not resourceful. “No no, Ben let Them, you can control Them right? Let Them stay,” he says, accompanying his words with a harder press of his palm against Ben's cock. “Please, maybe They just want in on the fun!”

 

“Mmh fine, They've promised to behave,” he moans out, relaxing again as the Eldritch sort of waves around aimlessly. It's odd, but who is he to judge? “You know, seeing the scars on your neck and wrist seriously fucks me up.”

 

Busy unzipping the fly, Klaus doesn't respond for a moment, sliding his thumb over the slight wet patch on his boxers. “Hmm, in a good way?”

 

Ben gasps, the tentacles freezing momentarily as he processes the question. “Yeah, it's why I can't look at them. I'd pop a boner.”

 

He laughs at that, leaning in close to Ben's crotch and licking a line up his boxers, following the silhouette of his member. “Why's that?”

 

His hand lands in Klaus's hair, a warm pressure, not gripping but just there. And as much as he wants to take it slow, he can't help but peel down the boxers, letting his cock free. It's an average size, Klaus thinks, but bigger than his own,  _ definitely  _ thicker. The head is an almost angry red, like it might just burst if it doesn't get some action. His mouth waters so much he's worried he'll start drooling.

 

“Well, only I get to mark you like that,” Ben begins, voice and body language back to his disinterested state. “Especially around your neck, like a pretty necklace. Knowing I have that kind of power over you, and you let me. You'd look so beautiful in pearls,  _ brother. _ ” 

 

The Eldritch seems to become very interested all of a sudden, writhing a little more enthusiastically. Klaus can sympathise. His mind is reeling, where has sweet Ben gone? Has he been practicing how to completely fuck Klaus's entire sex life up so he'll never be able to get off again without Ben? It's like he knows his kinks better than Klaus himself does.

 

“They think so too, although They prefer the necklace we gave you,” his hand in his hair suddenly tightens, pulling his head back a little to show off his throat. “How do you feel about Them joining in?”

 

Klaus nods as much as he can with his hair being pulled, but receives a stern look until he acquiesces. “I would like that.” He says as enthusiastically as he can when his throat is bared and… and with a foot on his cock. Fuck. “Please, Ben, please!”

 

Almost immediately, two of the tentacles wrap around his wrists and pull them behind his back tight, forcing his torso to curve. Another slithers around and down into the back of his jeans, whilst the last assumes its rightful place wrapped around his neck. Ben uses his hair to pull him back towards his cock, but stopping before Klaus can get his mouth around it. “Check in, how are you feeling?”

 

Sweet Ben is back, for a moment at least, and Klaus just loves him so much. “Green,” he answers, voice breathy and shaky but certain. “You?”

 

“Green.” The tentacle around his neck tightens, beginning to cut off his airflow slowly, as he finally gets his tongue on the underside of Ben's member. The salty taste floods his mouth, a soft moan escaping as he licks up the shaft, feeling the fingers in his hair tighten and loosen rhythmically.

 

The last time he sucked someone off was in a dark and dingy alleyway, payment for some drugs. The taste then made him gag, but Ben's taste is intoxicating, flooding his senses, and he can't get enough. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that the other had a shower this morning. Maybe it's just cause he loves him.

 

His tongue slides up over the head, before he presses his lips against it, softly, listening to every hitch of Ben's breath, every miniscule moan. “You look so good, Klaus, so good for me.” He praises, as the tentacle inside his jeans slides over his asshole, teasing the edge, dextrous and kind of slimy, but that just makes it hotter.

 

Klaus languidly kisses his way back down the shaft, looking up at Ben through his lashes as he tries to pull his wrists apart so he can touch, but the tentacles only tighten, the prickling sensation of the Eldritch taking his blood shocking him back into staying still. Ben's face stays somewhat neutral, and he'd think he wasn't enjoying it if he couldn't see the intrigue in his eyes, the slight flush high on his cheekbones.

 

Moving back to the head again, he takes the tip and a few more inches into his mouth, testing the weight flat against his tongue, heavy and hot, where it belongs. The prickling stops as the tentacles tighten more, only just taking a taste, the one teasing his hole dipping inside a little before going back to pressing against the rim. It's wet, and coupled with Ben's foot still pressing down on his cock, it feels like nothing he's ever felt before. 

 

He closes his mouth around the girth, hollowing his cheeks and sucking softly at first, slowly increasing the pressure as he slides his mouth down until he's taken it all in, eyes watering with the effort of trying to not gag. It's kind of overwhelming, along with the danger of having the Eldritch around his neck again, but the sensation of having zero control makes his mind weak.

 

He trusts Ben, with his life and everything else, and by extension, he trusts the Eldritch too. It feels nice to just let go.

 

Ben pulls him off his cock by his hair, letting it flop against Klaus's cheek once it's free, eyes searching his face. He wonders what he looks like right now, eyes glazed over and unfocused, lips red and swollen and  _ wet _ , like a whore, cheeks red from the blood pumping harder and harder as he gets choked. 

 

“Beautiful,” Ben whispers, like he's enraptured, like Klaus is his whole world, and suddenly the tears start flowing again, because maybe he just is really dense, and maybe all it would've taken for them to be together was a few whispered words late at night, or a confession on top the roof when he was high and Ben was there.

 

They're both crying now, but it makes sense. They've had a lot of issues, both together and apart, but here they are, sharing a moment that from the outside just seems debauched, but really it is a culmination of years of trauma and  _ love _ , manifested as something that only they will share.

 

Klaus agrees with Ben. It is beautiful.

 

“We can… we can stop if it's too much…” the other begins as the Eldritch loosens its grip enough that Klaus isn't restricted, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand before gently pressing his thumbs under Klaus's too, wiping away his tears for him as well. He must see the slight panic in his eyes, because he chuckles softly, his hands moving to hold his head carefully. “I still want to, Klaus, I'm just worried about whether you're still up for it.”

 

Klaus sighs softly, sniffing a little. “Green, Ben. I'll tell you if I'm not… okay.” He smiles, because he is truly happy, he's not crying because he's sad. He's still way too horny to let some crying stop him from sucking Ben off.

 

It seems to be enough to abate Ben's worries, the Eldritch regaining its previous bondage of him as the hand returns to his hair, the other keeping Ben sat up enough to watch as Klaus takes him back into his mouth, more enthusiastically than before.

 

Now, he has a goal in mind: give Ben the best orgasm he's ever had, because he deserves it. 

 

Bobbing his head lazily means he can feel every inch of his cock sliding past his lips, stretching them wide, making his jaw ache. He slides his tongue around the head as he moves back, teasing the slit with the tip of the appendage, and then sucks as he takes him deep, his gag reflex under control now he's had time to get used to the feeling of the member hitting the back of his throat.

 

It's a good thing they locked the door too, because the sounds coming out of Ben's mouth are delicious but loud as fuck, deep moans and words of praise spilling out with every movement Klaus makes.

 

He's breathing through his nose, but it's getting harder and harder to do so, the tentacle now choking him so hard he can hear the rush of his heartbeat in his ears, but it's sinfully good, with the pressure of Ben's toes rubbing him off in his trousers and the tip of the tentacle now fucking him shallowly, it's slimy secretion lubricating the way, the squelching noises obscene. 

 

It feels so good, so all-encompassing, so  _ much _ , tears still dripping down his cheeks but from exertion and pleasure. Ben's hand pulls so hard on his hair when he carefully grazes his teeth along the shaft (only enough to tickle, not hurt), it elicits a strangled moan deep from Klaus's throat, the vibrations clearly doing something for the other as he too moans loud, and God, why hasn't Klaus done this before?

 

They're both so close, he can taste it on his tongue (literally), his thighs quivering with the effort of keeping him upright, the tentacle now halfway inside his hole, feeling around like it's exploring. He's so full, he's not sure he's going to be able to cope without being stuffed every time he wanks, but he knows he'll feel it when he sits for about a week.

 

It's all going so fast now, Ben's cock sliding in and out of his mouth so quick he keeps drooling around it, trying to suck and breathe whilst getting choked at the same time, stimulated on all angles by everything, eyes slipping shut as the pleasure completely overwhelms him.

 

He hears Ben's orgasm hit him before he tastes it, hears the gasps and moans punch their way out of his chest as he cums in Klaus's mouth, using his hair to hold him down, forcing him to swallow every last drop. The Eldritch seems to take that as it's cue to finish Klaus off to, taking his blood from his neck and wrists as the one inside him fucks into him harder, Ben still rubbing his member in time with the tentacles thrusts.

 

He can't breathe, can't feel his hands, but he sure can feel how thoroughly he's getting fucked, how Ben slips out of his mouth only to be replaced by two of his fingers, the pressure on his cock increasing and getting faster as he's pushed over the edge, cumming hard in his pants, clenching tight around the tentacle inside of him as he rides it out. He cries out so loudly he knows at least Vanya would've heard him, if not Mum and Pogo too.

 

“So good for me, Klaus, so pretty when you come,” Ben praises, the Eldritch letting him go slowly, air rushing back into his lungs as his wrists drop to his sides. He's limp, he feels boneless. It's the best sex he's ever had, and likely ever will have. His hole flutters around thin air as the Eldritch slithers back into Ben's stomach; he knew he'd feel empty but this really takes the cake. “You did so well.”

 

* * *

The trip to the bathroom was an awkward one. Ben had it easy, all he had to do was zip up his trousers and it was like nothing had happened (minus the blush he still had, bless him). But Klaus had drying cum in his underwear, tentacle slime still oozing out of him all sticky and uncomfortable, and muscles that would not respond to him, not to mention the dark bruises and droplets of blood around his neck and wrists.

 

He's currently sat on the edge of the bathtub as Ben soaks a flannel with warm water from the bath, glancing over at him every now and then. It's nice. He gently presses the flannel along his wounds, wiping away the blood and soothing the bruises, and with the blood loss, Klaus feels like floating away.

 

Once he's done cleaning the blood away, Ben steps back and frowns. “Does… does it hurt a lot?”

 

“A little. I like it, I won't be able to forget it,” Klaus answers, a little slurred. It's like he's high. “Can… can you wash me?”

 

Ben smiles brightly, holding his hands out to Klaus to help him stand. “Of course.” He helps him to undress, putting the dirty clothes in the laundry basket, knowing Mum won't ask questions about the… liquids on the fabric. He takes Klaus's hands again, as he steps into the tub, slowly sitting shakily.

 

The warmth of the water eases the twitching of his thigh muscles, the weightlessness making his wrists and neck ache less. Ben trickles some of the water over Klaus's hair, before threading his fingers through it, lathering shampoo into the roots and through the messy curls.

 

“If I fall asleep, would you carry me back to your bed?” He asks, voice quiet in the silence of the bathroom, the gentle sounds of the water sloshing around like a lullaby. Ben's answering laugh is response enough, a smile gracing his own features as he lets the other take care of him.

 

Once he's thoroughly clean and Ben seems satisfied with the shininess of his hair, he's helped out of the bath into a warm fluffy towel, wrapped around his body comfortably as Ben gently dries his hair with another.

 

“Thanks,” Klaus says as Ben grins at him, before he wanders over to the sink to brush his teeth and use the mouthwash. The face that stares back at him in the mirror looks happy and content, the dark rings of purple circles standing out against his pale skin like hickeys but a thousand times better. He's so proud of them.

 

Ben stands near the door with his arms crossed over his chest, watching as Klaus pulls on his clothes slowly, stretching his back out as he pulls his crop top on. “You… you can't go out there with those on show, they'll all know.”

 

He frowns, shrugging a little as the towels follow his old clothes into the laundry basket. “Yeah but I'm sure they know anyway, Ben. We weren't quiet.” Klaus stops in front of the other, also crossing his arms, waiting for Ben to let him out.

 

“Fine then, be my guest,” Ben begins, letting Klaus past. “But all the questions? You can answer them.”

 

He considers that for a moment, his hand on the door handle as he thinks. “Maybe not then,” he turns the handle and walks out into the corridor. “I'll grab a scarf and some bracelets or something.”

 

He'd normally put up more of a fight but he was tired and floating somewhere between happy and 'affected by blood loss’, so he relents easily.

 

Ben smiles when he comes back out of his room, scarf hiding the bruises on his neck and a few thick bracelets covering the ones on his wrists. “Let's go and get you some food, need to keep your sugar levels up.”

 

* * *

They don't get a second time. They don't get a first kiss, or a first 'I love you’. They don't get any more time.

 

Klaus cries and screams and  _ weeps _ as Diego and Luther try to explain what happened to him and Allison and Vanya, trying to stay as calm as they can whilst their siblings breakdown.

 

Allison tries to help, tries to give him a hug but it's all too much, it's all so much.

 

He runs. He drowns it out with alcohol and drugs and sex until he feels numb, until he can  _ forget _ , ignores the marks on his neck and wrists, because even when he's numb and the other is dead, Ben still manages to control his every thought and emotion.

 

It's not fair, he thinks, half a bottle of vodka and some MDMA down in some ratty motel with an unconscious random on the bed next to him, how when he gets the only nice thing he's ever had it's ripped away from him like he doesn't deserve happiness.

 

They could've had the world.

 

They could've had each other.

 

He pretends the figure in the corner of the room isn't there, trying to talk to him, because if he can forget, then he doesn't have to  _ mourn. _

 

Because if he can pretend Ben isn't there, the pain becomes something he can control.

 

Because Ben… Ben is and always will be the love of his life.

 

“Alone, but I have you, right Ben?” He laughs, the sound empty and horrible. The figure in the corner sighs and gives up, disappearing.

 

He wants to cry, wants to scream until his throat scratches, until he coughs up blood, because he can't live without Ben, can't live when the only part of Ben he has left is printed on his skin like a brand.

 

They're like star-crossed lovers. The thought makes Klaus feel sick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T GET ANGRY AT ME FOR NOT GIVING THEM A HAPPY ENDING
> 
> THE GOOD NEWS IS THEIR STORY IS NOT OVER FOR ME YET, SO A PART 2 IS ALREADY BEING WRITTEN
> 
> anyway, hi
> 
> whew, we're done!
> 
> i really... really struggled with writing the smut for some reason, but then i got drunk and it just all flowed out so if you find any mistakes please ignore them, drunk Micah says sorry lmao
> 
> so gonna clear some things up
> 
> i know ben dies at like, 17 but i'd already written most of chap 3 when i found out so i just didn't change it from 18 kdnskdjf
> 
> secondly the brother thing is...confusing, just accept that i dont know either, its just them being little shits okay
> 
> thirdly (and most importantly sjdlakd) the book ben was reading is the wind up bird chronicles by haruki murakami. i would 100 percent recommend reading it, i absolutely loved it even if i didn't understand it completely.
> 
> and lastly thank you so much to everyone kudoing and commenting, it's literally the most welcome i've ever felt in a fandom and i've cried so many happy tears over everything. 
> 
> and special thanks to the discord server, you guys...i cant even tell you all what it means to me to have so many supportive people cheer me on every step of the way. y'all are the best, i love you.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry the pacing is so weird, these characters are a mess ergo hard to write lol


End file.
